Baby Steps-BIG & small

And so we begin another year.......school year, that is......

 You know this isn't usually a blog about kids, but more about family, and usually not so much about family, as much as it's about loving the midwest and small town Illinois living, so very much of the time it's about the enjoyment I receive from cooking homeade foods from recipes that have been passed down in my family, while also the step by step creation process of the handmade crafts and gifts that I like to give people that are not the norm, and often times about decorating my home by recycling, upcycling, and thrifty purchases or freebies that I come across that I enjoy as much as I enjoy our family dinner table conversations.

 But we mostly know that my blog, for the most part, is just about the acknowledgement of the simple things in daily life and emphasizing their purpose not only in my world, but in yours too.

 The little things that go unnoticed, ignored, or that are not intended to be discussed are always in my blog.

For, instance, take a look at this teeny tiny hat that all of our babies wore.

 In my mind the most simple things in life are not meant to be ignored, but to be spotlighted.

Just like this wee little sandal that's missing it's mate. Again, all of our kids wore it. We don't care that it's not apart of a pair anymore or that it's old and not in very good shape. All we care about is that we still have it, they all wore it, and that's a memory that no one else in the universe owns, but us.

This is the other sandal that I have clung to over the years that is in the same predicament as the above, but even tinier, yet.

Oh my goodness, those toes were tiny.

I can't resist tiny baby toes. I have to put them up to my mouth and just kiss all over them. I just have to, because I cannot control myself. I am a mom and so you're not freaking out I only did this to our babies or one, two, or three other babies that I didn't give life to or maybe a couple more, but whose counting........

So as this week has progressed and I have heard varying opinions about kids going back to school this week or in these last several weeks I feel pretty different than that of alot of people I think or maybe not. Maybe I am just looking at it all from a different angle, perhaps.

I have several different thoughts on this matter.

Imagine that?

I think about how quickly this can happen..........

and then it turns into this.........

Yes, it's that quick.

Again, let's repeat.

From this.......(see the tiny shoe)

To this.....(See the gigantic shoe)

It's way to fast.

Trust me on this.

So with this new school years bring many many changes.

Lot's of changes.

Some good

Some not so good I'm sure.

Some changes that are just, well.....we don't know what they exactly are, yet, but the changes are arriving and lightning fast.

It's funny how so many are ready for "them" to be back in school.

It's funny how so many are not ready for "them" to be back in school.

I am sitting on the  "proverbial fence" with a huge wedgie and a sore tooshie from sitting so long, because I am filled with this time warp of disbelief.

I remember the pee stick. The first pee stick, as well, as the next twenty I bought to confirm that yes indeed I was pregnant with our first child.

Looking back I probably should have invested in E.P.T. tests because, even though all the positives were there for ALL of my pregnancies, I needed good, strong pee verification every single time I got pregnant.

 I was so thankful for "pee positive pregnancies."

Guess what?

They were all right.

My big preggo pictures confirms it and I think I was only seven months or so in this particular pregnant picture of your truly.

"I birthed me some big ol' babies"

(do you like how I pretend to have an accent and awful grammar?)

I tend to do this weird accent for no reason other than it just seems to come out sometimes.

Wow-that picture was taken a long time ago.

It's funny, too, how my conversations with the kids have changed.

I've gone from this conversation........

 "Mama-I pee pee in potty."

 to this this conversation.......

"Hey Mom! Can I go to a party?"

From this conversation,

"Mommy I don't want to take a nap."

to this conversation,

"Mom, please, just let me sleep in."

From this conversation,

"Mom, I want this big boy bike without training wheels."

to this conversation,

"I can't wait to get my truck running."

From this conversation,

"Mommy, please come to school with me."

To "Mom, just park in the parking lot or I can catch a ride."

When I thought I needed them to to be big they were so small.

Now, I selfishly need them to be small and they are getting so big.

Can we ever strike a happy medium?

What will they do?

What will they be?

Who will the be?

What will I do when they are all gone?

What will they contribute to our society?

Will they miss me as much as I miss them?

Will they have the same memories of their childhood that I will always have?

Am I freaking out, because all of the exhaustion of raising little kids is long forgotten and I now have an abundance of energy and now these are big kids and will be making their way in their own lives and it's just to soon for me.

On the flip side, of all of this, it interests me so much as to who they are becoming, yet, the scary part is slowly letting go. The letting go is what I am struggling with, but I have no choice. They are just old enough now that I am recognizing each phase and it's a change that is inevitable, but as always I am recognizing it to the fullest.

So this is what I am thinking........

Baby steps turn into big steps, before you even know it.

It's not always easy.

It's not always fun.

Mostly, it's really easy.

Mostly, it's super fun.

It's just raising a child to be the very best that they can be and then releasing them to continue the tradition.

The transistions of being a parent are joyful and painful all at the same time.

You grow.

They grow.

The "in between" parts make the memories.

The "in between" parts are the steps taken to each phase.

Step by step we will all get these kids to where they need to be in these various transistional times in their lives, as well as, ours.

That's a fact.

Am I ready for school to start?

Yes, for them.

No, for me.

But, honestly, when I really think about it I fall somewhere in between. It's the anticipation of what's to be that keeps me on the fence post for them, as well as, myself.

I enjoy them and would love to freeze them right now, today, at these ages and on this date.

(That's just not how it works)

I enjoy being a mother with all of the ups and all of the downs.

I was meant to be a mama, a mommy, a mom, and mother.

I love and have loved all of these transistional stages of the title and variation of the title of being their "Mom."

I just never dreamed that the short little baby steps would turn into such big long strides so soon.

Why this never occured to me I'll never know.

Possibly, because I was tired. You know, the stages when you just focus on getting through the day, because you'd been up all night with the baby while also chasing a toddler or toddlers all day with a baby.

Yes, I still remember, but in a foggy-mom haze.

But, one thing that will never change is the feeling I still get when I think of kissing their teeny tiny baby toes.

I remember that part quite clearly and I love that I can freeze that phase-if only in my mind.

That's something that will never change and I am okay with that.

Toodle-loo
Nikki Pugh